“My teenager is making me depressed. During the holidays, he spends most of his time on the phone playing games and watching movies on You tube. Whenever I ask him to assist in housework, he gives a deaf ear. Am worried of his behaviour”. lamented one parent on social media. Many parents are concerned about their teenagers’ change of behaviour. Many of them are not knowledgeable about this sudden change of behaviour in their teens.
In this blog, i will walk you through;
- The causes of outbursts in teenagers
- Causes of depression in parents
- Solution to outburst in teenagers
- Handling depression in parents
Parenting teenagers can be both rewarding and challenging. It requires a lot of patience and understanding. As adolescents navigate the transition from childhood to adulthood, they may
- Rebel against your set rules.
- Experience mood swings
- Engage in risky behaviour such as drug abuse
- Undergo certain social issues that could affect their self-esteem.
How i met Jacinta….
One day, as I was travelling home from work, I met a lady by the name Jacinta in a matatu (public transport). Apparently, she looked stressed.
“My teenager is making me depressed. Most of the time, she appears moody and rejects any attempts to talk to her. The plans I have will bring her a bright future. Her behaviour is worrying me.
The little mistakes she makes are a source of distress to me. The problem is that she does not like to be corrected. Indeed, she becomes rude and turns down any of my advice. Sometimes she will slam the door whenever we are having a conversation and leave me talking. What do I do?” asked Jacinta.
Did you know that teenage hood is a time of identity crisis, mood swings, and rebellion? Your child is transforming into a difficult creature? You are not alone. Indeed, teenage life is a period within which the personality of a boy or a girl is discovered. Naturally, he is traversing a distinct phase of growth. Secondly, he has an identity crisis which can often make you enter into depression. He feels misunderstood whenever you try to correct him.
Causes of outbursts and stress in teenagers.
1. search for his identity
“My teenager is making me depressed. He has become rude and defiant. sometimes I feel like its the company he hangs out with. Each time we have a conflict, he slams the door and runs to his friends. Whenever I try to advise him, he will argues with me and ignore my advice” lamented Hellen who was seated next to Jacinta. She had been listening to our conversation.
Teenagers will want to be independent as they curve out from childhood to puberty. As a parent, its important that you understand how his behaviour is expected to change as a result of this transition. This will prevent conflicts between the two of you.
2. Academic progress.
“My teenager is making me depressed. I can hardly sleep. His academic performance is deteriorating. He is in junior secondary school. Next year, he will be joining senior secondary. As a result, I have put a lot of pressure on him.
I have banned him from watching TV programs like he used to. Moreover, his mobile phone must be away until he finishes all the school assignment. I have also grounded him from visiting his friends in the neighbourhood until his academic performance improves” Said Hellen
“My teenager is making me depressed too. I want her to join a good senior secondary school next year but she seems not to understand me. Generally, she has become rebellious and rude. At the same time, she does not like to assist in house work but prefers to sleep during the day. The assignment I leave her is never completed on time.” Replied Jacinta
The pressure to succeed academically can stress you and your teenager. Nevertheless too much pressure and control will have a negative impact. Instead do the following;
Address personal issues
Did you know that poor academic performance could be as a result of underlying personal issues? For instance bullying, drug abuse, or family problems. Don’t ignore your teen’s feelings. Talk to him and find out what could be disturbing him. Indeed, he could be suffering emotionally. Find out whether he could be using drugs or is bullied in school.
Make great use of online resources
Let him utilise online apps to enhance his performance. This will motivate him to read because many of the apps offer practice skills, and test his knowledge while tracking his progress. Sounds interesting, right? Learning doesn’t have to be boring. Allow him to use his mobile phone for learning purposes. However, you need to supervise and ensure that he uses it in the right way.
Establish a study routine
Don’t ground your teen from visiting his friends and watching his favourite programs. You will be adding more salt into injuries. Instead, help him to create and follow a consistence study routine. That means, creating time for study, assignments, and evaluation as well. At the same time leave enough time for his personal activities like visiting his friends.
Encourage extracurricular activities.
Work with no play makes Jack a dull boy. Your teenager might be talented in certain activities. These include sports, music, or any kind of hobby like drawing and cooking. Encourage him to work on them. Academics are important, but they are not the only ones that can make one succeed in life. Right?
3. Misunderstandings
“My teenager is making me depressed. As his mother, I want the best for him. However, he always has different opinions, values, and beliefs. He neither accommodates anything different from what he believes in nor respect any decision I make as his mother. He thinks he is mature enough to make his own decisions. Consequently, he disagrees with my views and actions and always thinks he is right. I don’t want to sit and watch him make mistakes” cried Hellen
Too much control will make your child feel misunderstood. Teenagers will feel frustrated, hurt, or angry whenever their intentions are not perceived. This can harm their self-esteem and well-being. Sometimes, it’s good to allow him to air his views by listening to him without interrupting. Show him that you believe in him and will offer support where he requires your help.
4. Emotional distance
Normally, your teenager might become less open to you as he grows. Also, he might want some level of privacy. However, encourage him to be open and share his problems with you. Be free and open to him as much as possible. This will create a strong bond between the two of you.
Secondly, teenagers may experience intense emotions such as anger and stress. They may not know how to express them in the right way. Instead, they will burst and shout. Naturally, they are easily influenced by their mood or hormones. At the same time, they may misunderstand and react irrationally to issues and in the end hurt others. Consequently, they become moody when you meddle into their affairs.
5. Domestic problems
Conflicts in the family will always hurt the lives of kids. For instance, financial difficulties in the family will expose teenagers to emotional torture. Similarly, marital stress can amplify the behaviour of your teenager. With that in mind,keep all marital issues away from kids. Let them not witness the conflict that you have with your spouse. Apparently, It can lead to mental torture and later withdrawal of your child. consequentially, he might disrespect you and react negatively to any of your advice.
Causes of depression in parenting.
Social reasons
“I never imagined parenting would be that overwhelming. My teenager is making me depressed. She spends most of her time on the phone chatting and watching movies on YouTube. Am not sure the kind of content she has access to. I fear that she might expose herself to cyber bullying or harmful adult content at a very young age.
At the same time, Peer pressure is affecting her social development. I feel she is being led in the wrong direction. Nowadays, she bursts into arguments whenever I talk to him. she says that she knows how to take care of herself. I wouldn’t want her to get involved in the wrong social behaviour like drug abuse and pornography. At the same time, i wouldn’t want her to later regret from her own mistakes.”cried Jacinta
Everyone wants the best for her child. Many parents enter into depression whenever they see that the life of their kids is not turning to be the way they would want it to. The thought of him being driven into immorality by friends will drive every parent crazy.
Fear of future safety.
Most parents are concerned about the security of their children to the extent of being stressed. for instance, if it starts raining and your child is not yet home, you start worrying. You want him home early before its dark, right? Teaching your teenager some common safety measures will greatly help. Train him how to get out of dangerous situations or the safe places he can go whenever he is in trouble. Let him also know of the emergency services available and the contacts to use. Most importantly, train him on how to cope with stress and emotions. we have plenty of apps that can help your teen. E.g qustodio parental control app.
How to handle your teen’s situation
1) set clear boundaries
Teenagers will want to rebel against the set rules as they establish their own identities. At the same time, they will want to be independent and autonomous. In most cases, this leads to conflicts between the teenagers and their parents. However, by setting clear boundaries, your child will know what is expected of him. He will become independent as well as sticking to the set rules.
Monitor his social media activity and set rules and boundaries for safe use. For instance, limit the time he spends online and the people he interacts with. In addition, use parental control to filter harmful and inappropriate content from his phone or laptop. It will prevent exposure to any inappropriate content as well as cyber bullying. At the same time encourage open communication.
2) Change yourself.
In order to change the situation, one of you has to come down. Ordinarily, don’t expect him to come down and change. He is at a stage where he is trying to find himself. Sounds unfair right? You should know that his behaviour is a natural process of preparing him for adulthood. Grounding him or confiscating his phone as a way of punishing him will only make matters worse. Instead, you will become more miserable and stressed.
3) Open communication
Allow him to say what he feels, annoys him, and how he would want things to be done. Don’t interrupt whenever he talks to you. Give him ample time to air his views. Use non-judgemental communication whereby you allow him to share his feelings. Encourage him to share his thoughts, opinions, and ideas. Try to understand his point of view even when you disagree.
Never criticise, interrupt, or dismiss his ideas. Instead, reflect on them in order to understand him. In so doing, you will empathise with your child’s feelings. Moreover, avoid harsh, negative, or sarcastic words when correcting him. However, do not compromise his thinking if it’s a matter of life and death. For example, allowing him to pursue the wrong career that he likes will make things worse. Instead, guide him on this.
4) Believe in him
The many hormones that are an essential part of puberty bring about many body changes. What I mean is, if you stop him from doing something and he becomes rebellious, let him be. let him mess up and learn from his own experience as long as he is safe. After all, experience make the best teacher.
However, do not let him learn from his own mistakes if there is danger involved. For instance, it would be wrong to remain silent if you learn that he is having unprotected sex. Discuss with him calmly the dangers involved. In this case, letting him learn from his own mistakes will mess up his life
5) Refrain from controlling him
Laying laws for teenagers will make them more defiant. Avoid always being by his side giving instructions on how things should be done. You are blocking his views and making him feel degraded.
Instead give him enough space to mess up and correct himself. Making him do what you want all the time undermines him. He will feel like he is never trusted hence becoming more defiant.
how to handle depression in you
Self-care
It’s time to take good care of yourself. Engage in activities that distract your mind from anger, stress, and worries. For instance, during your free time, enjoy watching a movie or favourite game. If your hobby is cooking, prepare your best meals. Reflection on your teen’s behaviour will trigger unresolved issues and bring bitterness to your side. In the end you will feel more stressed.
Seek professional guidance
A mental health professional will help you to overcome any distress. He will give you therapy that will assist you in communicating and coping with your child’s mood swings. You will also learn to manage your anger in the right way without yelling and screaming at him. At the same time, therapists can help your teen in formulation, coping and communication mechanisms. In the long run, he will be able to handle stress and complex issues in the right way.
Read educational materials
Read books that will help you understand the aspects of adolescence and teenage behaviour. We have plenty of e-books to chose from. In so doing, you will understand what to expect of him. Secondly, you will be enlightened on the most common social problems that teens struggle with. Most importantly, you will acquire tips and advice on how to deal with him. Nevertheless, some have videos that you can use to raise awareness and start conversations about adolescence mental health.
Conclusion
According to this article, there are many challenges in parenting teens. These challenges will make you feel depressed. However, I have suggested several strategies that will work for you and your teenager as well;
- initiate an open conversation with your teen
- be ready to listen to him
- find professional support
- change yourself
- take care of yourself
I hope these tips will be helpful and that you and your teen will overcome the challenges. Happy Parenting
